December 21st, 2015
On Thursday we had a huge Zone Conference, where four of the neighboring Zones got together - which is essentially half of all of the Missionaries in the Mission. While we were all there, I was able to see several other Missionaries that I was in the MTC with, Sister Bates - a previous companion, the Wilcox Ehepaar (my favorite senior couple) and other Elders and Sisters that I had served with in previous areas.
Seeing old friends from previous areas and experiencing the rush of happiness that comes when those associated memories with them flood back, is so overwhelmingly joyful. That evening after all the excitement from seeing everyone at the Zone Conference was gone, I felt something I didn't expect.
I felt so sad and I couldn't help but ask myself why. The last three transfers I had served with companions for only one transfer at a time. And I left my previous area too quickly...For someone who craves strong, LASTING relationships, that has been a lot of abrupt and fast changes. A lot of getting-to-know-you times and a lot of goodbyes.
For the first time since being here, I felt a true, sincere desperation of not wanting to end my Mission. I don't want to say so many goodbyes and I don't want to feel the pain that causes again. The thought of possibly not being able to see any of these people in Germany again hurts.
Something from last General Conference (Where we hear from the Prophet and Apostles twice a year) really hit me hard and I think it is something that I still need to learn. It was from a Video that was shown, featuring a woman who despite physical challenges, loved everyone around her and was a positive influence in all of the lives she touched. One of her friends said, "She never made me feel like she needed to get to know me before she could love me."
I don't necessarily consider myself an unloving person. But I have noticed a wall that I have recently put up. I haven't been letting people in as easily. It hurts too much when they leave. And I think that is exactly what Heavenly Father wants me to learn right now. I need to be brave and unselfish enough to accept the love of others - and show them love in return, even before they get to know me.
Sometimes the natural man within each of us can reject the idea that anyone can freely love us without truly knowing us. For me, I know at times I "privilege" others with opening myself up. The pride from that statement is so dumb! When we consider the reality that God is truly the Eternal Father of our Spirits, we realize that we are literally spirit brothers and sisters. Our worth is not estimated in the skills we have acquired or the talents we may possess. For example, I am artistic. So often when people ask us to describe ourselves, we say things like this: "I am an artist, singer, dancer, photographer, doctor, etc." We place our value in our skills or talents. But seldom do we hear, "I am intelligent. I am beautiful. I am a child of God."
Right now, I am in the process of taking down my wall. Not only do I want to love others more easily, but I want to accept the love others show me without letting my pride or fear of hurting get in the way. I think of the book/movie The Help, where the caretaker tells the little girl, "You is kind. You is smart. You is important." Everyone should hear those words.
So how do I do that? How can I take down my wall? I have thought a lot about that this week. And on Sunday, I received an answer:
A member of the Mannheim ward gave a talk about the Meaning of Christmas. Something he said really stuck with me - he asked us to think about receiving a Christmas present that is hard for us to accept. It is too expensive, too much to accept, you don't feel like you can take it or deserve it.
He is a musician and he talked about receiving the PERFECT guitar. How it would be so beautiful - that he wouldn't want to touch it, but instead put it in a cabinet to reserve its beauty. But in reality, when you play a guitar, the strings stretch out and the sound becomes more smooth, more clear, more incredible. A guitar is meant to played. And so is the gift that Christ gave to us - it's meant to be used.
When we think about the Atonement of Christ, we often times think about what He did for us. And why did He do it? The answer is always so simple: because He loves us. But that love is not meant to be locked away in our cabinets. He is the perfect Gift of Christmas - and his atoning sacrifice is meant to be utilized in our life, not simply a story to be opened up to and read once a year on Christmas Day.
I am no expert in understanding Grace or "the enabling power of the Atonement." But something I am learning is that the only way my Wall can be taken down is with Christ's help. He can help me take down each brick at a time, so long as I am ready to let him take it. I think so often he looks at us hurting, even in the moments where we ourselves don't recognize that we are hurting, and he asks us, "Will you let me take this?"
His gift of his Atonement is always available to us. So let's take it. This Christmas, discover the Gift.
Liebe Grüße,
Sister Kristyn Helmick
P.S. Remember: You are kind. You are smart. You are important.
 |
| Mannheim Christmas Market. |
 |
| Elder and Sister Wilcox! |
 |
| A super sweet lady we talked to at our Street Display last Friday. We are meeting with her after Christmas. :) |
No comments:
Post a Comment