Letting Christ Take Down the Wall

December 21st, 2015

On Thursday we had a huge Zone Conference, where four of the neighboring Zones got together - which is essentially half of all of the Missionaries in the Mission. While we were all there, I was able to see several other Missionaries that I was in the MTC with, Sister Bates - a previous companion, the Wilcox Ehepaar (my favorite senior couple) and other Elders and Sisters that I had served with in previous areas. 

Seeing old friends from previous areas and experiencing the rush of happiness that comes when those associated memories with them flood back, is so overwhelmingly joyful. That evening after all the excitement from seeing everyone at the Zone Conference was gone, I felt something I didn't expect.

I felt so sad and I couldn't help but ask myself why. The last three transfers I had served with companions for only one transfer at a time. And I left my previous area too quickly...For someone who craves strong, LASTING relationships, that has been a lot of abrupt and fast changes. A lot of getting-to-know-you times and a lot of goodbyes. 

For the first time since being here, I felt a true, sincere desperation of not wanting to end my Mission. I don't want to say so many goodbyes and I don't want to feel the pain that causes again. The thought of possibly not being able to see any of these people in Germany again hurts.

Something from last General Conference (Where we hear from the Prophet and Apostles twice a year) really hit me hard and I think it is something that I still need to learn. It was from a Video that was shown, featuring a woman who despite physical challenges, loved everyone around her and was a positive influence in all of the lives she touched. One of her friends said, "She never made me feel like she needed to get to know me before she could love me." 

I don't necessarily consider myself an unloving person. But I have noticed a wall that I have recently put up. I haven't been letting people in as easily. It hurts too much when they leave. And I think that is exactly what Heavenly Father wants me to learn right now. I need to be brave and unselfish enough to accept the love of others - and show them love in return, even before they get to know me.

Sometimes the natural man within each of us can reject the idea that anyone can freely love us without truly knowing us. For me, I know at times I "privilege" others with opening myself up. The pride from that statement is so dumb! When we consider the reality that God is truly the Eternal Father of our Spirits, we realize that we are literally spirit brothers and sisters. Our worth is not estimated in the skills we have acquired or the talents we may possess. For example, I am artistic. So often when people ask us to describe ourselves, we say things like this: "I am an artist, singer, dancer, photographer, doctor, etc." We place our value in our skills or talents. But seldom do we hear, "I am intelligent. I am beautiful. I am a child of God." 

Right now, I am in the process of taking down my wall. Not only do I want to love others more easily, but I want to accept the love others show me without letting my pride or fear of hurting get in the way. I think of the book/movie The Help, where the caretaker tells the little girl, "You is kind. You is smart. You is important." Everyone should hear those words.

So how do I do that? How can I take down my wall? I have thought a lot about that this week. And on Sunday, I received an answer:

A member of the Mannheim ward gave a talk about the Meaning of Christmas. Something he said really stuck with me - he asked us to think about receiving a Christmas present that is hard for us to accept. It is too expensive, too much to accept, you don't feel like you can take it or deserve it.

He is a musician and he talked about receiving the PERFECT guitar. How it would be so beautiful - that he wouldn't want to touch it, but instead put it in a cabinet to reserve its beauty. But in reality, when you play a guitar, the strings stretch out and the sound becomes more smooth, more clear, more incredible. A guitar is meant to played. And so is the gift that Christ gave to us - it's meant to be used.

When we think about the Atonement of Christ, we often times think about what He did for us. And why did He do it? The answer is always so simple: because He loves us. But that love is not meant to be locked away in our cabinets. He is the perfect Gift of Christmas - and his atoning sacrifice is meant to be utilized in our life, not simply a story to be opened up to and read once a year on Christmas Day. 

I am no expert in understanding Grace or "the enabling power of the Atonement." But something I am learning is that the only way my Wall can be taken down is with Christ's help. He can help me take down each brick at a time, so long as I am ready to let him take it. I think so often he looks at us hurting, even in the moments where we ourselves don't recognize that we are hurting, and he asks us, "Will you let me take this?" 

His gift of his Atonement is always available to us. So let's take it. This Christmas, discover the Gift. 

https://www.lds.org/media-library/video/2014-00-1460-he-is-the-gift

Liebe Grüße,

Sister Kristyn Helmick

P.S. Remember: You are kind. You are smart. You are important.

Mannheim Christmas Market.

Elder and Sister Wilcox!

A super sweet lady we talked to at our Street Display last Friday. We are meeting with her after Christmas. :) 

Longest Week

December 14th, 2015

How can I describe the longest week of my life in a General Email??
This week was unbelievable. Here is what comes to mind:

-Parted ways with the wonderful Sister Roderer
-Was in a dritt with the Sister Training Leaders on Tuesday to
Wednesday and met with an American Army soldier and his German wife.
-Spent two hours traveling ALONE. First time being alone in 11 months...
-Was reunited with Elder Heiner, Sister Nielson, and other fabulous
Missionaries at the training meetings in Frankfurt
-Showed up as the last person at the "Pairing Meeting" because my
train was late.
-Was paired with my new Missionary - Sister Jameson!
-Celebrated Sister Nielson's birthday
-Overnighted in Frankfurt Hotel with Sister Nielson...didn't fall
asleep until 3am because it was too hot and I couldn't find the
heater!
-Woke up at the usual 6:30. Left Frankfurt with Sister Jameson at
11:30am and headed out to Mannheim
-Met with wonderful investigators, less-active members and other Missionaries
-Discovered that I talk in my sleep a lot, and I have continued to
dream/talk in German during my sleep since my MTC Days. The gift of
tongues works in mysterious ways
-Sister Jameson snores...I have a feeling I won't be getting too good
of sleep these next two transfers...
-discovered day 2 that Sister Jameson accidentally left all of her
underwear in the England MTC's dryer...ya, awkward. (She gave me
permission to share all this, I'm not that mean of a person)
-Had a successful Street Display
-Gave a talk at Church that I prepared the night before...turned out okay!
-Got a call from two starving Elders Sunday night...looked at our
empty fridge and managed to somehow throw something together for them.
-Drove a car for the first time since being a Missionary! It was a Car
simulator (this afternoon for Pday)
-Rediscovered that my Danglisch is getting worse and worse...having to
explain what I think is a normal English sentence to Sister Jameson
-And I am somehow figuring out how to be a trainer. It's been a really
good week. I think my theme for the next two transfers will be, "I'm
tired." I have never felt more exhausted in my entire life.

Sister Jameson is from California, and she is a firecracker! She
reminds me so much of what I was like when I came into the Mission.
She asked a billion questions about Mission Life, was nearly bouncing
off the walls ready to work, and was simply so happy! I love her
energy and enthusiasm. She is exactly what Mannheim needs. She was
what we call "fast-tracked" because she spent a year in Germany as an
exchange student a few years ago. She has very good German.

I am grateful that I served with Sister Taylor, who was also
fast-tracked. I remember her telling me how some trainers don't know
how to train someone who can already speak the language. She expressed
how everyone needs a trainer in the beginning, egal what kind of
background they have in the language. Plus, common day-to-day German
is not preaching-the-Gospel kind of German.

I am super grateful to work with Sister Jameson. I feel like I am
learning more by teaching her and being an example of Missionary
conduct than anything else. I feel much more contentious of everything
I do, because I know she looks to me for that guidance in these
initial stages. But at the same time, I am humbled by how much I am
learning from her already. I feel more moldable, open and receptive to
change and growth than I ever have before, and it is a wonderful
feeling!

What I love so much about this experience is how every hour is spent
towards a meaningful activity. It is constantly go, go, go. My focus
is rarely on me, especially with training. I am so blessed to be in
Mannheim where the work we are doing is thriving! And the people we
are meeting are teaching ME so much. From Nigerian investigators who
escaped wars from their homes to be here in this land, to our new
American/German family, who have experienced and seen things that I
could never imagine. One of our investigators, Xin Xin from China, is
getting married today! This experience is so international and
eye-opening to how big this world is, and how innately similar we all
are despite our differences in ethnicity, culture and circumstance.

One Truth that God has been trying to teach me again and again, is
that He loves us. That love is manifested in a variety of ways, always
individual and personable to each person. The way He speaks to me is
not necessarily the way He speaks to you. But the love is the same. It
is like the love between a parent and a child, only perfect and all
encompassing. I have felt his Love not only for me, but I have felt it
working through me to touch others this week.

No matter how many times we have messed up, how many mistakes we have
made - or how many times we have made that same mistake again and
again, His love is constant and unchanging.

I have you each love,
Sister Kristyn Helmick

Last moments with Sister Roderer in Mannheim.

Party dritt.

Taking Sister Jameson to Mannheim - first moments together.

 Germany is full of these little gold plaques in the ground. They
are a tribute to the Jewish people who were killed during World War 2.
They are typically placed right next to where the persons used to
live.

Marktplatz Haltestelle. See this place almost daily.

Sister Jameson and I.

I Have No Comfort Zone Anymore

December 7th, 2015

Transfers: Crazy, crazy, crazy. Sister Roderer has been called to be a
Sister Training Leader in Duisburg...in a dritt! She will be working
with Sisters Terry and Johnson, my previous Sister Training Leaders
who I LOVED. Sooo excited for them all! And I have been called to
train. So on Wednesday, I will be traveling to Frankfurt where all the
trainers and new missionaries come together, and then Wednesday
evening we will be paired with our fresh new Missionaries from the
MTC! We will then stay at a hotel that evening and Thursday we will
have a Trainers Meeting before heading back out to our individual
areas. Exciting, and overwhelming.

Here is the exciting part: The work in Mannheim is progressing, in all
aspects. Yesterday at Church, we had ALL of the less-active families
and individual members that we have been working with come to Church.
One woman who we have worked with consistently with family history,
bore her testimony during Fast and Testimony meeting about how she
knows we are truly called of God to preach the Gospel and help others.
It brought so much peace and gratitude to me, to know that God was
able to work through us. She is making so much progress in her life,
it is incredible to watch that and to be a part of it.

We also have seen miracles with our investigator work. Sandra is
unbelievable. I have never met someone so ready and prepared and
faithful in my entire life! She is working towards being baptized...
But the thing is, baptism is just a beginning. And she knows that. We
have been teaching her the commandments and last week we taught the
Word of Wisdom, which is about a revelation that the Prophet Joseph
Smith received about certain beverages and substances that are harmful
to us. (i.e. Drugs, alcohol, coffee, etc.) It is a law of health as
well, encouraging us to eat healthy foods and treating our bodies as
the gifts that they are. Well, Sandra had mentioned that coffee was
hard for her to give up, as she is so accustomed to drinking it. But
she made the goal to slowly get off it by the end of January...well,
at our last appointment this week, she told us that after our lesson
she drank a cup of coffee and then couldn't sleep at all that night.
When she woke up the next morning, she had absolutely no desire to
drink a cup of coffee ever again. With tears, she told us that she
knew it was a sign that Heavenly Father gave her telling her that this
is right. I have never felt so happy for someone!

In addition to that, we have made significant progress in the
member-missionary work. We met a new investigator family last week -
Dorcas and Yinka. Dorcas is 14 and she just moved in with her Mom. She
is brand new to Germany and is so overwhelmed with the culture shock
and trying to learn the German language all at once. We met with her
and her Mom and taught them twice last week. This week, we brought
Dorcas along with us to the Young Women's activity where she
befriended another one of the young girls. Dorcas is a very reserved
girl at first, but after the activity and after they attended Church
yesterday for the first time, she is blossoming. There has been a huge
change in her since the first time we met her.

To make it even better - we are working on inspiring the Members with
their Missionary Work. On Sunday, we heard two success stories from
members who had accepted our invitation to give away a copy of the
Book of Mormon to a friend, neighbor or colleague. The ward is really
starting to trust the Missionaries, and we are working towards
supporting them and hopefully meeting with their friends in the
future. I feel like I am finally understanding how I can integrate the
ward into our Missionary work, and how to support them in theirs. It
is a team effort, and we should ALWAYS be working side by side.

Sooo, here we are. So much work to do, so many good things ahead. So
much progress this last week! I am so grateful for it. I feel like the
Lord is really blessing us for our efforts. And here comes the
overwhelming part: training. The thought of training exhausts me. I am
so tired on so many levels. But I know that I am exactly where I need
to be. There are never comfortable zones in a Mission. Once I start to
feel like I can do things with more ease, something bigger and more
challenging comes along. I guess that is why people say that your
Mission prepares you for your whole life.

Ich habe euch lieb! Das größte Wunder kommt von meiner Familie und
Freunde. Die Unterstützung die ich von euch bekomme, bedeutet mir
alles. Danke, danke, danke!

Sister Kristyn Helmick

Giving Thanks

November 30th, 2015

This week started out pretty painful...literally. We were at a dinner appointment with a Turkish family we visit weekly. They normally don't feed us, but for whatever reason they really wanted to make us some good Turkish food. 

We got to the appointment with a feast placed before us. Literally. SO MUCH FOOD. I immediately started tackling the food, trying to eat the foods that I don't like as much first so that I could have the best for last, you know? Well, I get to the vegetable and potatoes part of the dish. There is this huge green pepper-looking thing, and I rolled it up into one giant bite and shoved it into my mouth. Right when I started chewing, the woman who prepared the food cried out to warn me and said, "Vorsicht! Das ist ganz scharf!" (Careful, that is super spicy!) At this point, I had already started chewing into the pepper, and I thought it would be embarrassing to spit it out onto my plate, so I braced myself, chewed, and then swallowed. The results were not instantaneous.

At first, I felt the slight tingle of the burn creep into my throat. I started marking the "Ow, owe" sounds and drank a few sips of the Sprite they gave me. And then the pain came on full-throttle. From the tip of my tongue, all the way down to my heart was the most intense burning and stinking pain I have yet to experience from food. Immediately, tears started pouring out of my eyes and I started to panic. The mother had her children run into the kitchen and grab me Goat's milk and yogurt to tame the heat. Meanwhile, I sat there nearly hyperventilating, while the mother's four other children huddled around me with their huge, staring eyes and my companion patted my back. It was SO embarrassing and lasted for about 15 minutes. Meanwhile, the mother kept on saying "Es tut mir sehr leid Sister Helmick!"again and again. Turns out, I ate a Paprika type Turkish pepper, known for being incredibly hot to the Turkish natives...least of all an American girl who can barely stand medium-salsa. Thank heavens I didn't serve in South America or Mexico. I would've died.

Now onto the week... Tuesday to Wednesday, I was with Sister Bunderson on a split. On Wednesday we had Zone Training in Heidelberg and right afterwards a Zone Finding activity in Mannheim. By "Zone Finding activity" what I mean is that we handed about ten missionaries our cards and had them travel throughout the mall füß for about an hour or two. Thursday was pretty special - we had a Thanksgiving District Meeting and ate a lot of Turkey and sweets. Friday was a day full of finding and cancelled appointments, it happens sometimes. And then Saturday and Sunday finally came by! :) 

On Saturday and Sunday, we were able to attend Stake Conference, and I was able to see so many of my favorite people! Saarbrücken still has the biggest part of my heart. I feel like I really learned how to love people there. It was definitely the highlight of my week.

It is interesting how I have found myself becoming homesick for my previous areas. Missions are really heartbreaking at times. You become invested in an area -focused on those around you and filled with an indescribable love for them. Serving and serving, until you get transferred and your whole world is pulled from you and you are thrown into a new area - or a new world. 

Transfers are coming up again this Saturday. I wonder if Sister Roderer and I will stay together... It is just so unpredictable. For someone who loves controls (like me) Missions can drive you insane. It requires you to give up the reins and trust that God knows better than you.

I'm sorry this isn't the most detailed General Email entry. My brain is tired. And I feel like I can't speak in any language right now. Just the other day, I stopped a lady on the Street and she told me she couldn't speak German. After asking her "Was sprechen Sie?" She told me she speaks English. You think I would've jumped up and down right? Nope! I instead preceded to talk to her in the most broken English I have ever uttered....Sister Roderer had to TRANSLATE my ENGLISH for me. Family - don't be surprised if my English is weird when I come home. 

Through all the business and craziness of this week, I am filled with gratitude. Gratitude for my family and friends. For the wonderful people I have met here in Germany. For a loving Heavenly Father who shows me time and time again that He will never give up on me even when I start giving up on myself. Grateful for a Savior. 

Grateful...Thanksgiving does that to you, right? My challenge to you all is to make every day a grateful one this year. Don't wait until next Thanksgiving to tell the ones you love how much you appreciate them. 

I have you all love!

Sister Kristyn Helmick

We took a few pictures at the train station. :)

Sister Roderer and I accidentally matched. Glasses, scarf, and two-brunettes

Oma Schroeder!

Rüdiger and Schwester Kras from Saarbrucken.

Thanksgiving District meeting - American style.

Improvement

 

 

 

 

November 23rd, 2015 

 

 

We came home every single night this week late. That has got to be a record! And one that I hope to not make a habit this next week. I am SO tired. I have felt like my head hits the pillow at night and then the alarm goes off five minutes later indicating it is time to wake up again and start my day again. 

I think one of the biggest miracles this week was the overwhelming feeling of love I felt on Monday night. It had been a hard, emotional day for me. Our Pday had just ended and I was feeling homesick and tired. It wasn't the birthday that I wanted when I woke up on Monday morning. Right when we started street contacting, I received a phone call from an unknown number. Sister Roderer and I had just started talking to a nice man and I pulled off to the side to take the phone call. Right when I answered saying, "Hallo, heir ist Sister Helmick," I heard a loud chorus of "Happy Birthday to you!" That screamed into my ear. My old Ward Herne had called me up! They had gotten together for an activity and had remembered my birthday. I was able to briefly talk with many of the members and missionaries. It turned my birthday around completely. Later that evening, I received a phone call from the Wilcoxs! My FAVORITE Senior Couple who were with me in Saarbrücken for 6 months. I talked with Sister Wilcox for a good half-an-hour or so, which was sooo needed. Right when I was feeling so happy and simultaneously sad, my Mission President called me to wish me a personal congrats on my 2 year mark and to thank me for my service. 

I needed that. Right when I was about to break because I was so sad, Heavenly Father reached out to show me His love through people I have met here. I know that He works through others to answer our prayers, because He answered the prayers of my heart that night. 

On Tuesday we drove out to Frankfurt and were able to participate in a live-conference that was broadcasted all throughout Europe. Elder Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles was there and he talked a lot about how we can work with the Church Leaders with their Missionary work. After the Conference, I was reunited with two of my previous companions, Sister Bates and Sister Lyman! It was so great to see them both and talk about memories from my first area, Saarbrücken. 

Speaking of Saarbrücken, I will be reunited with some of the members during Stake Conference this Sunday! Words cannot do justice in describing how excited I am. I can't wait to see Stella, Sister Dehdari, Rüdiger, Anne-Katrin, the Franz family and others. I loved my time in Saarbrücken and will forever cherish my time there. 

We also met with Sandra again this week. She is the most prepared and humble person I have ever met. She is currently praying for which day she should be baptized on! I am constantly amazed by how little I do as a Missionary. Heavenly Father has placed people in front of us that He has prepared for years. It is such a privilege and blessing!

With that being said, Sister Roderer and I have also been pretty humbled this week. We met with Raphael on Thursday and Friday. Had two incredible lessons with him, and then found out that he actually lives outside of our area. So this next week, we will be meeting all together with the Speyer Elders who will then meet with and teach Raphael. I am excited for him because he is also an incredible example of someone who has been prepared his entire life for the Gospel. 

What was humbling about this experience, was the fact that Sister Roderer and I had just "given up" two of our other investigators to the Elders. We had both felt that these other two men would be better taught by the Elders. That left Sister Roderer and I back to ground zero again. Back to working with members and finding new people to teach. But that's okay, because I felt the peace of the Spirit confirm to me that we are doing what God wants and needs us to do. So much in life is about accepting God's Will and timing in our lives. 

Everyone...I really can't describe this experience. Service changes you. And service as a full-time missionary stretches you in ways you didn't know you needed to be stretched. There have been moments where I have wondered why this couldn't be easier, why the process has to be so hard and painful at times. I have many perfectionistic tendencies and it has been a struggle to give that up and accept the fact that life will always be a staircase of improvement. I will always be striving to be better and moving forward to overcome weaknesses and mistakes. 

I am currently in Ether in the Book of Mormon, and I came across a well-known, powerful verse in Chapter 12 this week. 

"27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

I have seen this promise come true. With very obvious weaknesses -such as my struggle through the German language and seeing God expand my abilities and give me the words that I need in the exact moments...to the personal, not-seen-on-the-surface weaknesses that I experience on a daily basis. As I give myself over to Christ, I can feel Him take my weaknesses and transform them into exactly what they need to be. The Gospel is all about progression, continually walking up that staircase until we return Home. 

I guess you could say that I am just taking one day at a time right now. Trying to become a little stronger, love a little more, and always remembering to laugh along the way. :) 

Love,

Sister Kristyn Helmick

And of course I can't forget to include a funny story of the week! Courtesy of my descriptive companion, Sister Roderer. She really can tell a story much better than I can:

We wanted to have a Street Display on Saturday, but it started to rain.
A lot.
So we decided in order to have this street display, we would need to
have a tent to cover us and the copies of the Book of Mormon, so we
got permission to buy one, and went on a hunt for a tent.
I asked Siri (on the iPad) where there were stores with camping gear,
and we were directed to two possible locations.
I picked the one closest to us and off we went, ducking under drippy
doorways and avoiding puddles.
After ten minutes of walking like this, we found ourselves in a rather
sketchy part of Mannheim.
Finally we get to this weird corner of the street and I'm looking for
the address, and I see this dingy looking store, which I walk right
by, because I'm looking for a camping store, not a dim-lit kiosk.
My mistake.
This dim-lit kiosk with the cartoon whale on the side with the sign
"Moby Dick Fishing" on the side was Siri's recommendation.
Never again, Siri. We're over.
I sort of, cautiously pull the door knob and peek inside, then
immediately shut it again.
"Sister Helmick.... I don't think we are going to find our tent in
there. I don't want to go in, we'll look super awkward."
But, I figure that I'm just being a baby, and should go in there.
So we do.
This shop is about as big as our bedroom, and is covered, wall to
ceiling in all sorts of lures and fishing poles.
The only people in the store are three very German men, two of which
are burly, and all three of which are hairy.
One very fast glance around, and I knew we probably wouldn't find our
tent there.
The men, meanwhile are looking at us in total confusion.
Not every day you see two well-dressed white American girls in their
twenties checking out the local German fishing store.
Little did they know that we were actually expert fisher women, only
we fish for a different sort. (See Matthew 4:19 or Mark 1:17)
We did find fishing waders large enough to be a tent, but decided against it.
We are still tent-less, but we've been culturally enriched.

Willie, the son of one of our investigator, calls us "Tante" or
"Auntie" and hugs us repeatedly before we leave our appointments. He
is so fun :)

Willie, Sister Roderer and I.

Sister Roderer likes taking selfies.

Mannheim National Theater. In respect for France.